Words of Wisdom – The Awkward Teen
What were you like as a teenager?
Allow me to describe what I was like.
Awkward.
Insecure.
A perfectionist.
Never really sure whether or not people liked me.
I always felt like I needed to do everything right, or else my friends wouldn’t want to be my friends anymore and I would never convince a girl to go out with me.
Speaking of girls (or boys depending on who is reading this)…
How did you act around the people you had a crush on?
Did that get amped up by like a million percent whenever you were in the presence of your crush? Did you get quiet or goofy or more awkward?
My go-to strategy from when I was 7 years old and had my first crush all the way through high school was to clam up… go quiet… and become about as awkward as you can imagine.
I would not talk to my crush for days, weeks… years… hoping that she would maybe notice my awkward self and fall in love with that quirky, cute part of me (it wasn’t cute).
Sophomore Year
Bear with me… this gets a little weird.
There was a particular girl who I met the second day of my sophomore year.
For context, where I live, sophomore year was the first year in high school and I was going to a new high school – meaning, it was not the high school that my middle school fed into and it was not the high school where all of my childhood friends were going. The only people I knew at this new high school were my teammates from the basketball team because I made the team as a freshman. Outside of that… completely new.
So on the 2nd day of school, while sitting in the back row of one of my classes, in walks this girl.
And, I’m telling you…no exaggerating here… it was just like a movie.
Kiss Me, by Sixpence None the Richer starts playing.
Everything starts moving in slow motion.
She walks by me and sits in the front row.
She is wearing shorts and a bright yellow shirt that is absolutely stunning against her tan skin from the summer activities.
My jaw is on the floor, and, believe it or not, she actually turns around in her chair, her blonde hair flips gracefully around her face, revealing the two most beautiful hazel eyes that are looking Right. At. Me.
This babe… this angel who I’ve never met… this most perfect human being ever created is looking directly at me.
Her face transforms into a look of recognition.
She smiles, and I’m telling you… this smile… goodness gracious… I would do anything for this girl in this moment.
By the way, the total elapsed time in real life is maybe… 7 seconds… but it felt like a lifetime.
So her eyes and her smile hit my directly in the face, while she raises her hand and WAVES… at ME!
I flush red.
Surely this is a mistake.
I’ve never seen this girl in my life… but… to be polite… I wave back, and in that moment, there’s a subtle, almost imperceptible shift in her gaze.
It moves ever so slightly down and to her right, even more focused on me now.
Her wave continues, but her face is no longer a look of recognition, but confusion.
You see… I was sitting on the direct sight path between her and the door into the classroom.
One of her friends had just walked in the class and was standing directly behind me.
She… the apple of my eye for my foreseeable future… wasn’t waving at me.
She was waving PAST me to her friend.
I must have looked like a complete dork.
I was so embarrassed.
But it was at this moment when I knew that I had to figure out a way to get to know this girl.
So… I resorted to my tried and true technique outlined earlier.
I got quiet.
For 3 years.
Seminary Girl
I had maybe… I dunno… 2 or 3 conversations with her over the course of those 3 years in high school.
That first class was called Seminary, and she was forever referred to as “Seminary Girl” by my parents and friends.
Throughout those 3 years of high school, I would turn bright red with embarrassment if she ever happened to even glance in my direction.
I’d stutter and mumble over my words, breaking out in a cold sweat if I got the chance to speak to her.
I employed all of the ol’ spy tactics, convincing friends of mine who were not afraid to talk to her to see:
- Did she know who I was.
- Did she think I was cute?
- Was she as equally infatuated with me as I was with her?
Turns out, in high school, the answer to all three of those from her perspective was… No.
In fact, I mustered up the courage to bravely ask her to Prom my senior year.
How did I ask, you wonder?
Was it a clever and funny presentation on her front lawn?
Or perhaps an elaborate gesture of creativity and love in front of the whole school?
Nope.
I sent her a text message.
She said no.
Don’t Give Up On Me Yet
Fast forward about 2 ½ years after graduation.
I had spent 2 of those years living in Russia, getting yelled at by Russians, getting assaulted by Russians, and enduring the coldest temperatures of my life.
I also go to meet some incredible Russians. Russians who are lifelong friends, taking me in and treating them like family. That’s for another time…
The point is… I grew up a bit.
I saw some things.
I was a tougher, braver, more rugged man… and when I got home from Russia, a good friend gave me Seminary Girl’s phone number.
This time, I didn’t text her – I called her, and she answered.
I was so smooth this time…
I said something like this, “Hey, so… uh…would you maybe… kinda sorta… wanna go get something to eat sometime? With me? I’ll pay for it!”
For some reason, she said, “sure.”
The Date
I picked her up at 6.
We went to a local hot spot and, on the way to dinner, she ran into one of her friends she hadn’t seen in a while. They are smiling and hugging each other and happy as can be. I have no idea who her friend is and I’m just kind of standing off to the side with that superhuman awkwardness I’ve displayed countless times around this girl.
Maybe you’ve experienced a similar situation.
You don’t really know what to say.
She’s not my girlfriend (although… I would do anything to make that happen)…
I don’t know this other person so I have nothing to say to her… so I just stand there.
Then, her friend asks, “Who’s he?”
Seminary Girl turns, looks at me, and says, “Oh! He’s my boyfriend!”
Uh… What?!
Chaos ensues.
That’s a bit misleading.
In my brain… chaos ensues.
- Did she just say what I think she said?
- Is she messing with me?
- Is this one of those charity, hidden camera shows where the dorky nerd guy is tricked into thinking he has a shot at this smoke show but it is revealed later that it was all a hoax?
- Is she secretly crazy because she thinks we’re BF/GF in the 20 minutes it took to drive here?
Those were the thoughts in my brain.
In real time, I just said, “Hi, I’m Erik. Nice to meet you.”
Crushing it
We make our way to the restaurant.
Remember, I picked her up at 6 – this will be important later.
We arrived at the restaurant at about 6:20.
We ate and we talked about the last 2.5 years since we last saw each other.
She went to a local university and was currently living back at home, working as a dental assistant.
I really just had the Russia stuff.
Everything was wonderful.
We finished dinner and I drove her back home.
I walked her to her door (because I’m a true gentlemen), gave her an appropriate hug, and told her how much fun I had.
She went inside.
I got in my car, in complete shock that I just went on a real date with Seminary Girl.
I don’t think I need to say it, but I will… she is just as hot as ever. I’m telling you… Drop. Dead. Gorgeous.
I started the car my dad let me borrow for the night and looked at the clock.
IT WAS 7:30!
I had picked her up, taken her to dinner, and just sped her home. 40 minutes of the 90 minutes was just driving. It must have been the quickest date she’d ever been on!
When I got home, my dad asked, “Home already?”
Yes. I’m THAT smooth.
Let’s Get This Moving a Bit Quicker
I completely blew it on that first date.
I was so awkward. I was an idiot.
And yet… she agreed to go on another date with me.
Fast forward 10 months later and, on December 16th, 2010, Seminary Girl and I got married.
Yesterday was our 14th anniversary.
We have lived in 7 different apartments or homes.
I have gone through 7 different job changes and 3 major career shifts.
We have had 3 perfect kids together and 3 furry kids (RIP Petie).
We have already had a lifetime of unforgettable memories.
She and her family still make fun of me for that first date.
“Must’ve been a real good time… hardy har har…”
“She must’ve been a real dud!”
“Hopefully that’s not an indication of other things… ha. ha. ha.”
In-laws… am I right?
The moral here is that – Awkward nerds… I’m proof that we still have a chance.
Growing up a little helped.
Having Russians yell at you for years helped.
Finding out that Seminary Girl’s eyes, while absolutely breathtaking, are mostly blind so she can’t really see how much more attractive she is than me… also helps.
You know when you see those couples where one is considerably more attractive than the other? And you’re like… “he must be super rich, super funny, or both.”
I’m super funny.
To Die a Happy Man
When I graduated high school, I made a list of the 4 main, deeper-purpose, life goals I wanted to accomplish before I died.
- I didn’t want to die a virgin – just being honest here.
- I wanted to fall madly in love with the girl of my dreams.
- I wanted to have the chance to know, without a doubt, that someone loved me back.
- I wanted a family with kids I could love and raise with this person.
If I could accomplish those 4 things, I would never be afraid of death, because I would have experienced what I feel are the deepest purposes of life.
And, if I were to die today, Seminary Girl (her real name is Caitlin) has made my life everything I could’ve ever dreamed of and more.
I can die a happy man knowing that I fell madly in love.
I have felt real love in return.
I have the most wonderful, amazing, beautiful children.
Remember that story of how Caitlin and I first met in class?
That look of recognition she gave me (but not me), how she lit up with a smile, and waved to her friend behind me?
Well, I get to look into those same, beautiful hazel eyes and the most beautiful smile I will ever see every single day.
And that girl… the girl of my dreams… she actually recognizes ME, waves to ME, gives ME a hug and kiss… every single day when we get home from work or activities or after we put the kids down for bed.
To this day, it doesn’t feel real.
I will never feel as though I deserve this life with her and our family.
I’ve always felt she deserves someone more handsome, more successful, more caring than me. But, for some reason, she has continued to agree to go on one more date with me… for 14 years, and I hope… many more to come.
Oh… and I didn’t die a virgin 🙂
People Matter
It doesn’t have to be a spouse or love interest, but there are people in our lives who make us want to be better and help us become the person we hope to be.
Find those people.
Stick with them.
Don’t let people who want to drag you down separate you from the people that want to lift you up.
Whatever you do or do not celebrate this time of year, I hope the Holidays and New Year are a pleasant window to spend time with the people you love – thinking about the things that matter most to you.
Thank you for making it this far.
I love hearing from each of you.
I’ll see you next year 🙂
Erik |
